Under My Skin
by Cheshire6845
Summary: The Command team faces an old enemy.  Can the crew figure out how to save them before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Paramount and TPTB. The plot is the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Warning: Rated M Violence, angst, and adult situations included but nothing overly graphic.

**Under My Skin: Chapter 1**

Kathryn

As soon as I enter my quarters I kick my boots off at the door. I walk towards my bathroom, and drape my jacket over the back of my desk chair. I pull the turtleneck over my head and throw it on my bed. I feel better already. I smile to myself as I think about the shocked look on Chakotay's face as I left the bridge. I'd only been there for ten hours today. I'm glad I can still surprise him every now and then. The space we're in right now is quiet, and I am actively trying to not let it get to me. I wash my face and look in the mirror. What is it about boredom that brings out the worst in me? I grab my book from the nightstand and head for the couch. I plop down onto the cushions and put my head back. Okay, so maybe I won't get any reading done.

I hear an electrical whine and raise my head from the back of the couch. It's the only warning I have before my quarters dematerialize.

I'm still in my seated position when I feel a firm surface beneath me again. I can't see a thing. I even wave my hand in front of my face and can't see it. A glaring bright light comes on and I throw my arm up in front of me to try and block it. Strong hands seize my arms and pin them behind me. I fight back by kicking out at whoever is behind me. I connect and hear a grunt. I try to open my eyes to see my attackers, but the light blinds me. A hood is thrown over my head and I can feel my wrists being cuffed together. I'm forced to my knees. I feel the business end of a blaster push into the base of my skull. I understand the message. I stop struggling. The light shuts off.

Chakotay

I leave the bridge in Kim's capable hands and head for the turbolift. Harry may not be green anymore, but when it comes to being in charge of the bridge he's still Ensign Eager. I wonder if Kathryn's still up and whether or not she'd be interested in having a night cap. It only took me one cajoling visit to her ready room today to convince her to go off duty. I was prepared for the usual three tries. I think she left early just to surprise me. Whatever the reason, I'm glad she's taking it easy. I've never heard the turbolift make that sort of whine before. I'll have to make a note of it to Belanna. I realize too late that Belanna won't be able to help with this issue.

Eventually, the light shuts off and I now have a hood over my head. I'm still seeing spots of light dance across my eyes. My arms are pinned behind me and the blaster digging into my back encourages me to move forward. I have no idea who is responsible for my current situation, but it doesn't bode well. I know there is someone walking in front of me, but their footfall is very light. I can't make out any shapes through the hood, but I inhale deeply to try and catch any scents that may help me identify where I am. Oh no. I can smell the light scent of roses. Kathryn.

Kathryn

With the blaster digging into my skull and a hand clamped roughly over my mouth, I understand they want me to stay quiet. I'm still on my knees when I hear that distinct whine again. They're brought someone else here. I hear the person make a confused noise and then the light snaps on again. I close my eyes against its brightness despite the hood over my head. My shoulders tighten as I hear one of my crew being subdued. I hear the metal cuffs clink together and know that my crewman is now in the same sorry state I find myself in. I'm hauled to my feet and prodded forward past the bright light. My feet are bare and I can feel the thrum of a ship through the cool deck plating. I know there are guards in front of me, but I can hear the distinct sound of Starfleet issue boots behind me. I've heard those footfalls behind me too many times to count. He always walks slightly behind me. Protecting me. Chakotay.

I hear a door open in front of us and we are herded inside a new room. I can hear his breathing now. I know he can tell I'm here. He always knows when I'm near. I blink rapidly when the hood is pulled off. My eyes confirm what I already know. I'm staring at Chakotay's red clad chest. The relief I feel at that moment is short lived as I finally see our captors. Cardassians.

Chakotay

They pull the hood from my face and for a moment I don't see her. I look down and find her. She's only wearing her grey tank and pants. She must've been able to relax just long enough to get out of those damn tall boots she wears. She looks unharmed and a small section of my heart breathes a quick sigh of relief. I see her eyes widen as they break contact with mine. I know why. The first thing I saw over the top of her head was the sneer that I had come to hate so much. Somehow all Cardassians, apparently even ones in the Delta quadrant, seem to sneer the same way.

We only get a momentary glance at each other before they turn us to face the door. We are pushed to our knees as the door opens and a new Cardassian walks into the room. He smiles down at us.

"Kathryn Janeway. Chakotay. Cardassia welcomes back two of its most famous previous guests." He gestures to himself. "I am Gul Baket, Cardassian ambassador to the Delta Quadrant."

Kathryn opens her mouth to speak, but the Gul silences her with a backhand to the face. "Do not speak unless asked a direct question, Kathryn. It's your only warning."

She gives a slight nod and I breathe a little easier. At least she isn't going to purposefully antagonize him. He continues.

"Now, let me give you a little of my ship's history and I have a few questions for you to clear up for me as well. We have been in this quadrant over seven years. We were brought here by an impressive device and a being that we saw only in holographic form. Were you brought here in much the same way?"

"Yes." She answers him succinctly.

"We presumed as much. Now, I must say rumor travels as fast here in the Delta quadrant as it does at home and we have heard many things about a Federation ship out here on its own. Voyager has made news in this part of the galaxy. But the most interesting rumor we heard is that its captain is responsible for destroying the device that brought us here. Is that true, Kathryn?"

"Yes."

"It saddens me to hear that. I had hoped it was only a rumor. You see, once the hologram decided he couldn't use us, he flung us away. We've been trying to make it back to his position all this time, so we could force him to send us home. I promised my men that we would return home, and anyone that stood in our way would be destroyed." He places his hand around Kathryn's throat and pulls her to her feet. "Kathryn, my dear, you can see now how this makes it more difficult for me to release you. I gave my men my word."

He signals and one of the guards grasps her shackled wrists and forces them upwards. She bends at the waist in a natural attempt to escape the pressure. Two guards keep me pinned to the floor. The Gul gestures again, and another guard pulls her hair to the side to reveal the back of her neck. The Gul pulls a circular pad from the belt on his uniform and places it at the base of her skull. The Gul pushes a button on a device in his hand, and the pad begins to insinuate itself beneath her skin. She grunts in pain, and I can see the muscles in her jaw tighten as she grinds her teeth. In a matter of moments, the pad can no longer be seen. A small trickle of blood stains her gray tank. The guards release their hold on me and force her back to her knees. Now the Gul gives me his full attention.

Kathryn

My neck burns as the chemical secreted by the device begins to seal my skin. It buries itself further inside me. After Owen's and my experience, I researched as much as possible on known Cardassian torture techniques. This device will attach directly to my spinal cord, and give itself access to my nervous system. I know the device that I researched and the one that is now inside me were built to carry out the same functions. The scientist inside me also knows that the device inside of me has had ten years of improvements. It's a horrible feeling knowing the worst is still to come. The Gul circles Chakotay as he begins to speak.

"Chakotay. Maquis Captain. Leader of ruthless renegades intent on destroying Cardassian property and life. It is truly a pleasure to have you join us here in the Delta Quadrant." The Gul pauses. "If rumor is again accurate, and by your uniform I see that it is, you once again serve the Federation. How interesting. After having had access to Voyager's computer, I know many of your Maquis serve with you still. Perhaps, before this is over we will invite some of them to join us."

Chakotay remains silent. I watch, held in place by two guards, as the Gul implants a device into Chakotay. "These devices will require a few hours before they are fully operational. According to our records, during your previous visits both of you departed before you could be given one. Well, that at least has now been remedied." He spoke to the head guard. "They need to be restrained for the next four hours. They're not to be damaged. There will be plenty of time for that later."

The guard nods his understanding and with a final look at us the Gul left the room. The guards haul me to my feet and push me towards the back of the room. There are five bars descending from the ceiling each with manacles attached to it. I feel my hands being released from behind me and I know it is not so I can move them into a more comfortable position. With a blaster under my chin, my arms are forced over my head and I feel cold metal tighten around each of my wrists. The bar retracts into the ceiling until only the balls of my feet touch the floor. It's going to be a long four hours.

Chakotay

After securing us into position, only one guard is left to post by the door. It's only then I dare look at Kathryn. She's looking up examining her bindings. Despite our situation I find a small smile on my face. She catches it. "What could you possibly find amusing at this moment?"

"Earlier tonight, I had considered stopping by your quarters. This is not how I envisioned us spending the evening." She almost smiles.

"What do you know about the devices they put into us, Chakotay?" She asks.

I knew enough. I'd never had one myself, but I had seen the after effects on many a Maquis. I'd heard their screams. It was not something I was looking forward to experiencing. Her voice breaks into my musings.

"Admiral Paris had one removed after we were rescued. A lot of study went into it. Most of it was classified, but I found out what I could." She closes her eyes momentarily before continuing. "It will insinuate itself into our nervous systems until it has enough control that it can move a single finger or send a pulse through our entire body."

Her speech seems forced. I study the side of her face. She has sweat breaking out along her hairline. "Kathryn, are you alright?"

She releases a breath that I didn't realize she had been holding. "I think it's starting to map me. There's an intense burning sensation spreading down through my chest."

I briefly wonder why I'm not experiencing anything and then I realize mine is just starting. I'm about three minutes behind her. I only have a small localized burning in my neck at the moment. I had chalked it up to the initial implantation. Only now do I realize the sensation is growing outward. I hear her suck in a breath between her teeth. I steel myself against the inevitable. I'd give anything to take her place. At least with her reactions I can prepare myself, she has no warning.

Over the next three hours, I watch as her fists clench, her toes curl, or her back arches. The device is systematic in its insinuation going through each appendage before moving to the torso. Each time the device begins a new phase, Kathryn expands my knowledge of Klingon curses and I treat her to some of my rarely used native invectives.

I watch as her body relaxes between each phase knowing when this happens I will have a brief respite soon. Her tank top appears a darker color now because of how much her body has been sweating the invasion. I can feel my own uniform sticking to me in places as sweat rolls down my back. When she speaks again I can hear in her voice the strain her body has been under. "I think it's finished for now."

The pain is fading from the last twinge. This is the longest we've gone without a new part of our bodies being tested by the device. Maybe she's right. The doors at the other end of the room open and the Gul strides towards us. It was a long four hours.

Kathryn

I am still trying to get my breathing and heart rate back to normal as the Gul slowly circles us. He comes to a stop in front of us and nods to one of the guards. The manacles release our hands. We both collapse to the floor. I roll to my back with difficulty. My arms are complete numb dead weight, but my shoulders still have blood pumping through them. They scream out at the sudden movement. It feels as though broken glass and rocks have been shoved into my shoulder sockets. My vision swims and then settles on the Gul standing over me. Belanna would be proud of the growl that issues from my throat.

The Gul chuckles, "Well Kathryn, that's not the most articulate thing I've ever heard a Starfleet captain say but you're meaning is quite clear." He continues to circle as Chakotay and I slowly make it to sitting positions. The feeling of pins and needles confirms that sensation is slowly returning to my arms.

"Let's see how we did." The Gul consults a pad in his hand. "Hmmm, it seems, Kathryn, that you haven't been taking too good of care of yourself. High blood pressure. No sleep patterns for the past twenty hours. High intake of caffeine for much of that time. Very low caloric intake. Oh, and don't worry I'll have someone take you to relieve yourself in just a few minutes."

I give him my best sneer at this last comment. It also worries me immensely. The devices are much more advanced than I originally thought. If it can measure that my bladder is full, what else will it reveal?

The Gul reads from a different pad discerning Chakotay's condition. "It seems you are taking much better care of yourself. You've only been up for sixteen hours and you've eaten at least twice in that time. No drugs in your system. Blood pressure is as normal as can be expected. Very good."

The Gul continues, "Now that I have both of your attention, I'm going to explain what happens next. We have decided to forgo your immediate execution in lieu of boosting crew morale. Alive, you each represent a much higher entertainment value for the crew. We will keep each of you here for only twelve hours a day. We've found our subjects tend to last longer when given time to heal. When you aren't here, I'll be sending you back to your ship. At any given time, one of you will be here and one of you will be there. If at anytime, you alert your crew to what is taking place you will not be brought back here. And whichever one of you is here at that time, well you won't be leaving. Do you understand so far?"

Chakotay and I both nod. My mind is racing. The Gul continues, "We will of course be monitoring you closely. Everything you see and hear, we will be able to see and hear courtesy of the devices we administered earlier. Kathryn, since your shift starts in a little over an hour, I'll be returning you shortly. However, before you go, I want to demonstrate the control we will have over you."

The Gul nods at a guard and the distinct whine of the transporter is heard. Chakotay disappears. I look up at the Gul and he directs my vision to a screen on the wall. I was looking at the inside of Chakotay's quarters. He's on Voyager and we are all seeing through his eyes. The Gul kneels behind me and begins speaking into my ear. "You see now my dear how much we will be able to observe. Anything you read or see, anything you say I will see and hear." He puts his hands on my shoulders and I repress a shudder. "I'm looking forward to what I will experience through your eyes."

He makes a show of putting Chakotay's control pad in front of me. "Oh, and these devices work at long range." He presses the button. Through the screen I hear Chakotay's grunt of pain as he collapses to the floor of his cabin. The screen fills with a view of his carpet and then the underside of his coffee table. His head dips as his body moves into a fetal position. I watch his hands clench into fists against the pain. The Gul releases the button and I hear Chakotay suck in a deep breath as his body relaxes. The screen fills with a view of the ceiling as he rolls on to his back.

"Bring him back." Once again the transport whines and Chakotay reappears two feet away from me. Sweat dots his forehead. His eyes widen as he sees the Gul's hands on my shoulders. The Gul smiles at the unguarded reaction. "Well that is interesting."

The Gul stands and pulls me to my feet. He keeps his hands on me and buries his face in my hair as he speaks quietly, "Kathryn, I'll make time for you and me upon your return."

He releases me and steps away. "It's almost time for you to go to work Kathryn. Remember the rules of the game; if you ever want to see him again, you'll behave. We will be watching. Oh, and sporadically throughout the day we'll be activating your device as a friendly reminder. See you in twelve hours." He nods and I heard the transporter take affect. The last thing I see is Chakotay lying on the floor at the feet of the Gul.

Chakotay

I watch her disappear. I wish she would announce to the entire ship when she arrives what is going on, but I know she won't. I don't want her coming back here, but I know she will. The screen on the wall lights up and I get my first view of Kathryn's quarters through her own eyes. I hear her voice call for the time. She has thirty minutes until she's due on the bridge. Her hand moves to the back of her neck. The Gul's thumb moves closer to a button on her control. She steps into the bathroom and looks in the mirror. She knows we are seeing her. "A scientist's inclination Gul, I'm only looking."

The Gul smiles. Kathryn takes his lack of attack as a positive and holds up another mirror so she can see the back of her neck. There is a circular scar visible, but it has no discoloration. Kathryn scoffs, "You do good work."

She begins to get undressed and then stops. She looks back into the mirror again. "You will not be getting a peep show." She throws a towel over the mirror and closes her eyes. The screen shows nothing for a few moments until we see her hand reach out to turn on the shower. She closes her eyes again. The Gul looks disappointed. I smile.

I don't see Kathryn get to the bridge. The Gul notices my smile and introduces me to a different level on the device.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Paramount and TPTB. The plot is the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Warning: Rated M Violence, angst, and adult situations included but nothing overly graphic.

**Under My Skin: Chapter 2**

Kathryn

"Captain on the bridge." Kim announces as the lift opens. I give him a curt nod. We've been doing this so long that my lack of playful banter with Kim alerts the entire shift that this is not a good morning. I give him a faint smile, but I cannot muster more than that at the moment. Tuvok stands up from my chair and prepares to hand over the bridge to me.

"Cmdr., How's Voyager this morning?" I ask and immediately look past him so that I do not see the slight confusion that crosses his features. It's a strange question to ask a Vulcan. I notice Paris' head cocks to the side. He wonders too. I have decided to create confusion on the part of my crew, but I cannot bear witness to it. For if I see it so will the Gul. I may not be able to do anything outright to alert them, but if I can get them wondering. They will begin to talk amongst themselves and then hopefully they will realize something is not quite right.

"Voyager is running smoothly this morning, Captain." Tuvok answers. "There is nothing significant to report."

I nod my head in acknowledgement and cross to stand behind Paris. I put my hand on his shoulder and relax momentarily into him, "Helm, how's she handling this morning?"

Paris had relaxed when my hand touched his shoulder, but then he straightened back up at the sound of his position. It was a strange mix of the comfortable and formal. "We're trying a modulated thruster today Captain, but other than that everything's green across the board."

"Very good Lt." I push off of him in order to return to my chair. It takes more effort than I would've liked and I feel the gravel inside my shoulders again. I stop in front of my chair and turn towards the science station. I hope Sam won't be scarred for life by what I am about to do. "Ensign Wildman."

She looks up, "Yes, Captain?"

"According to the schedule rotation, this is your week for command duty training." I turn my back on her and walk towards my ready room. "I'll be in my ready room if you need me. The bridge is yours."

The ready room doors close behind me before I can see or hear any reaction to my announcement. I hope the Gul hasn't accessed our duty rosters.

Tom Paris

The ready room doors close and a pin drop could've been heard on the bridge. I swivel my seat around to see a very pale Sam. Harry's jaw could've reached his knees, and Tuvok's eyebrow is almost at his hairline.

"Is she serious?" Sam asks quietly eyeing the two center chairs with apprehension.

"Ensign Wildman, let us assume that she was indeed serious." Tuvok comments dryly and moves towards the command chairs. "Please join me, and I will familiarize you with the basics of command."

I scoff and shake my head. This is turning out to be a weird morning.

Kathryn

I'm on my third cup of coffee when the pain strikes. Luckily I'm sitting down. Unluckily, I am holding my coffee cup. The muscles in my legs contract sharply with an intense burning. The sensation catches me by surprise and I inadvertently cry out. My hand jerks spilling coffee all over the desk before I manage to drop my mug. I lean back in my chair and grip the arm rests trying desperately to ride out this wave. My legs feel like they are being torn from my body and held over a fire. The chime on my door sounds and the pain immediately ceases. It takes my mind a moment to catch up with the release, and my chime sounds again before I can answer.

"Come." I clear my throat, but my voice sounds husky. Belanna strides in carrying a padd.

"Captain, I wanted to come by and deliver the results from yesterday's…" she stops mid-sentence when she finally looks up and sees me shaking coffee off padds on my desk. "Captain, is everything alright?"

"I'm fine, I just spilled my coffee." Belanna crosses to the replicator and gets a cloth to wipe up the coffee. I'm relieved because I don't trust my legs enough yet to attempt standing up. She picks up the now empty mug and recycles it. "You look pale Captain, are you sure you're alright?"

"The coffee just burned my hand Chief." I continue looking at the desk, but I can practically see Belanna's arms cross across her chest when I use her title. I continue, "Now what were you bringing me?"

"Uh, the results from yesterdays' tests," I watch her mentally shake herself and disregard my comments. "The thrusters showed no problems yesterday in the virtuals and I recommend commencing the planned practical test on it today."

She attempts to pass the padd to me, and I wave it off earning myself another surprised look. "Very good, Chief. Go ahead and try them out."

I refuse to look up but I knew she is still standing there. I continue to peruse a padd from my desk, "You're dismissed."

Tom Paris

I watch as Belanna comes out of the Captain's ready room. For a moment she looks like she could tear a targ to pieces, but then a look of confusion settles on her face. She looks back over her shoulder and takes a step back towards the doors of the ready room. I clear my throat. Her gaze snaps to mine. I just shake my head. My wife gives me a questioning look before she accepts and heads to the engineering station on the bridge. I glance around. Tuvok has not missed our exchange. He slightly inclines his head to me. This is beginning to be more than weird.

Chakotay

I feel like I've been here for days. The Gul has my device set on an automatic cycle. The pain buzzes continuously with random spikes that make me grind my teeth. Anytime, he turns the device off he lets his men take shots at me. As much as I want to get out of here, I don't want it to be at the expense of Kathryn.

I've overheard some of her day and I know the crew is disconcerted with her behavior. None of the Cardys have caught on yet to her game. The crew may suspect something odd, but it will have to move into the extreme before they will take any action. By that time it will be too late to prevent her being brought here. The Gul can't wait to send me back in exchange for her, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

Kathryn

I'm going to throw one more curve ball at my crew, and then head to my quarters. It'll be time soon, and I really should get something to eat and try to rest. I know I will need all of my wits and strength. I haven't gotten any work done. Even if they weren't reading everything I read, I still couldn't have managed much. Chakotay. I can't get you out of my head. I'm so worried for you. I've set things in motion here, but will it be enough? Will the crew act in time to save you from a return trip to the hell you are currently in?

Enough of this, get it together captain. It's time for today's final act. I just hope it isn't my last bow.

Harry Kim

The ready room doors hiss open. The Captain strides onto the bridge. "Ensign Wildman, you've had the bridge for six hours and the ship is still in one piece. Well done."

"Thank you Captain. Shall I turn it over to you now?" Sam asks hopefully. I look up from my console to watch the interaction.

"Oh I don't think so, Ensign, finish the watch." The captain answers and begins to move towards the turbolift and my station. "Ensign Kim, you'll take over the watch in two hours and you will be relieved by Commander Chakotay at his regular time. Understood?"

"Yes Captain." I answer automatically. Sam slowly sinks back into the command chair. The captain touches the control calling for the turbolift.

"Oh, and Ensign Kim, let's not ignore protocol, we're still on duty right now. You know the regulation. Address me as Sir."

And without so much as a look behind her, the Captain enters the turbolift and states her destination. I look up and catch the shocked looks on Tom and Belanna's faces. She hasn't acted this weird since the Doctor was masquerading as her. Tuvok breaks the silence. "Computer, is Captain Janeway currently aboard Voyager?"

"Affirmative."

"State her current location."

"Captain Janeway is in the turbolift."

Belanna scoffs. "Yeah right."

"Indeed Lt."

I begin running sensor diagnostics. Assuming the computer isn't malfunctioning, something or someone must be controlling the Captain for her to act as weird as she did today. It's been known to happen.

I pull up the other stations and know that I am not the only one searching for answers. Tuvok is going over the security logs checking for anyone leaving or returning to the ship. Belanna has a sensor sweep running for any anomalous energy surges. Tom has just sent messages to Neelix and the Doctor advising them of a poker game in his quarters in half an hour and that they should bring Seven with them.

I smile to myself, poker games at Tom's are known by Neelix and the Doctor as the time to get the latest bridge gossip. By telling them to bring Seven he also let them know it was of a more serious nature. Once we find something, we'll give it to Chakotay and let him handle the Captain. I've got a less than four hours to find something. C'mon Voyager, help me help the Captain.

Chakotay

I hear the distinct whine of their transporter and look up at the wall panel. I watch as the Captain's quarters disappear. She is standing in front of me. I've watched her on and off throughout the day when it was permitted, but only now can I see the shadows below her eyes. The hard glint is there as well. She locks eyes with me and I'm sure she can read as much about me in that moment as I can about her. I try to shield her from what I've been through today, but I know she knows. She gives me a slight nod before turning her attention to the Gul.

"Welcome back Kathryn, I trust you've had a pleasant day."

"You would know." She replies tightly. He smiles.

"As you can see, your commander is fit to return to duty. You may have a few minutes to turn over your ship to him."

She crosses to me and with one word asks me a thousand questions. "Chakotay?"

I give her a slight smile and nod. "They have the ability to heal to a qualified medical standard."

She breathes in and nods her understanding. Only thirty minutes ago I had two broken bones and internal bleeding. In order to make me last longer, and not draw suspicion upon my return to Voyager they healed my injuries. "I was glad to see you eat something today, but you know you should cut back on the coffee."

She gives me a slight glare but I know she got the message. She knows I've been watching her today. "Check over the results of that thruster test from today. The crew will expect us to make a determination on whether or not to implement the changes."

I nod and see the Gul returning, "I'll try and finish cleaning the carpets before you get back."

She makes my heart ache with the half smile she gives me. The Gul stands behind her and nods at the guard. I hear the transporter whine and she begins to disappear from my view. My vision clears and I see the walls of my quarters. I yell out in frustration. The last thing I saw was the Gul's arm encircling Kathryn's waist.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Paramount and TPTB. The plot is the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Warning: Rated M Violence, angst, and adult situations included but nothing overly graphic.

**Under My Skin: Chapter 3**

Tom Paris

"I'm telling you Doc, she isn't herself. Everyone saw it today. She even told Harry to call her Sir. After seven years, c'mon."

Belanna and I had just related to the three senior officers that hadn't been on the bridge the weird events surrounding today.

"I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary with her today, Tom. She drank almost two pots of coffee according to the replicator and what's left in the kitchen." Neelix comments.

"That's because she's still the captain," I explain. "Even the computer agrees with that, but that doesn't mean something else can't be going on. Influencing her in some way. The last time she acted this weird was because you were her, Doc." He had the grace to look chagrined at this last comment.

"I checked for energy signatures and came up with nothing. Tuvok hasn't had any security problems. Harry's working on the internal sensors, but so far we haven't come up with anything." Belanna explains to Seven knowing she'll pick up the thread.

"I will return to astrometrics and begin scanning the region on modulated frequencies." Seven nods understanding and turns to leave.

"Wait Seven, we also need to keep an eye on her. Any interaction any of us has with her, we should let the others know."

"You intend to spy on her?" Seven asks.

"Not exactly. But if she's trying to tell us something without drawing attention to herself, we need to be watching for it. It may be something small. I just don't want any of us to miss it if it happens."

"Has anyone spoken to Chakotay about all this?" Neelix asks. "I'm sure he'd notice something different about the captain before the rest of us."

"He hasn't been on the bridge all day. I'm hoping to talk to him later, but I'd also rather have something concrete to give him. Not just weird behavior." Belanna states. "Doc, can you scan her or something?"

"Well she is legendary with avoiding sick bay, but I'm sure I can come up with something." He speaks confidently but then he frowns. "Getting her to come to sick bay and actually being able to scan her are two different problems though. We may have to resort to something drastic."

"Let's try simple first. Maybe she just had too much caffeine today." Belanna drops herself onto the couch. "It's just little stuff. She didn't even call me by name today. She called me Chief."

"You are the Chief Engineer." Seven comments. It's painfully obvious to me that Seven isn't going to be much help in the behavior department of this mission.

"Yeah, Seven, I know but she's never called me that. It's like we've been saying, she's just slightly off. Y'know out of character." She shakes her head. "And poor Sam."

I nod thinking back to my own experience. It's not unusual for her to call me by rank, but she's never called me by my position. It wasn't even unusual for her to put her hand on my shoulder, but then she leaned into me. She's never done that before. It was as if she needed my physical support just to stay on her feet. Even when I know she's been up for two days straight, she hasn't shown that kind of weakness. I shake my head. I hear the Doctor call for the computer.

"What is Captain Janeway's current location?" he asked.

"Captain Janeway is in her quarters."

"Doctor to Captain Janeway." He taps his comm. Badge. Belanna and I both listen as the computer responds.

"Captain Janeway is off duty and requests that all non-essential calls be directed to Commander Chakotay."

The doctor looks over at us. I wave my hand as if to say I told you so. The doctor continues, "Computer, alert me when the Captain returns to duty."

"Affirmative." The doctor is quiet for a moment and then asks the computer another question.

"Computer, is the Captain conscious?" We all hold our breath for the computer's response.

"Captain Janeway is asleep."

The doctor raises an eyebrow at this response. "An insomniac that has consumed two pots of coffee is asleep in her quarters thirty minutes after her shift. Hmmph. I'll be seeing her in sick bay in the morning."

The Doc leaves and I decide I'll be in sick bay in the morning to help out.

Chakotay

I follow Kathryn's lead and take a shower with my eyes closed. I can't help but look over my body as I don a new uniform. There are no visible traces of abuse from the past twelve hours. I can still feel sore muscles and deep bruising beneath my skin. They didn't want to heal that. Oh God, Kathryn what are you going through right now?

I know you worried about me throughout the day. There were times throughout the day when you would remain still and unfocused staring at the wall. The Cardy's thought you were up to something, I knew better. And now I have to pretend to focus on mundane matters aboard this ship knowing that you are suffering at their hands while I read a report. I attempt to push you to the back of my mind and concentrate on how to perpetuate what you've started. But you were never one to be ignored.

I leave my quarters and head for the bridge. Inspiration strikes as soon as the lift doors open and I see Ayala at the security station. Maquis. That's exactly who I need. Harry hands the bridge over to me. I can tell he has something on his mind, but I cut him off. I've only just realized, if any of the crew tell me you've been acting strange the Gul will hear. He'll know you were trying to alert them. I can't help them. And I certainly can't verbally let them know anything while you are still over there. Damn. I have to let them know. Belanna. She'll be my solution. Not ten minutes into my shift I leave, "Ayala, you have the bridge."

Ayala is a good man. He has no more command experience than Sam, but he simply nods and remains at his post. His eyes follow my movement to the turbolift. I keep my back to him. I move my hand behind my back and flash a signal to him as the turbolift door opens and I walk inside.

Tom Paris

Belanna and I are eating dinner when her comm. Badge activates, "Ayala to Lt. Torres."

Belanna flashes me a look and answers it. "Go ahead."

"I know about the poker game and I'll be down to join in at the end of my shift, but it might be awhile. Maquis One just left me in charge of the bridge."

The only way Ayala would've heard about this already is if Tuvok briefed him when he came on shift. I know that crazy Vulcan has a soft spot for the Captain. I should've known he'd alert his team to any danger she may be in. Belanna acknowledges Ayala and signs off. She looks deep in thought, but before she can explain what she's thinking the door chimes.

"Say nothing about the Captain unless I bring it up." She says quietly and calls for entry.

Chakotay enters our cabin. "Paris. Torres. I wanted to get your assessment on how the thruster test went today."

Huh? I stumble in my response. "Uhm, I haven't written that report yet sir. I was going to have it for you at the end of my shift tomorrow."

He knows we won't have any results from that yet. It will take all day tomorrow for the data to be compiled, and quite frankly the thrusters are the last thing on my mind right now. Despite Belanna's warning, I want to tell him about our concern for the Captain. Chakotay turns to face me with his back to Belanna. "Paris, you can give me a verbal assessment of how you feel the thrusters performed."

A verbal assessment? He's acting just as weird as the Captain. He keeps one hand behind his back, and Belanna makes a gesture for me to keep talking. I realize she's seeing something I'm not. Well, I'm not Tom Paris for nothing. I launch into a twenty minute spiel on how the thrusters were sluggish when we turned to port, but performed well on a starboard turns. I swear Chakotay's eyes glaze over at one point, but he has a slight smile to his face. Finally he holds up the hand that had been behind his back signaling me to stop, "Enough. Thank you Mr. Paris, that was very enlightening. Torres, I'll be expecting your initial report by the end of my shift."

Belanna nods, and Chakotay walks out of the room. I begin to speak, but she holds up a hand for me to be quiet and begins to scan our quarters with a tricorder. After ten minutes, she closes it and turns towards me. I can't wait any longer, "What was that all about?"

"We've got problems. My Maquis hand signals are a little rusty, but Chakotay's being followed or watched. He basically said don't include him."

"Include him in what?" I ask, but she ignores me and continues.

"He also kept flashing a four to me and saying captured. But he gave the go ahead for the plan." She finishes and looks at me.

"What plan?" I ask her.

"I have no idea, but he seems to think there is one." She sighs. "We have to talk to the others."

Kathryn

I listen as Tom gives Chakotay his report on the thrusters. My heart sighs knowing that my crew knows something is indeed wrong. Tom's never given a report with that much detail in his entire life. I'm glad he's on our side.

I had hoped someone would've spoken to Chakotay about my behavior. It would've alerted the Gul and he would know that I had been up to something. Then, maybe, he would've left Voyager's side, and Chakotay wouldn't be returned to this living hell.

A sharp pain brings me back to myself. I immediately try to distance myself from it again. I can't see the panel from my position on the floor underneath the Gul, but I try to listen to Chakotay's interactions. Listening to Tom's voice for twenty minutes had not completely erased what was happening to me, (even I'm not that good at detaching) but it had given me something on which to focus.

As Chakotay makes his way back to the bridge, the pain pushes its way to the front of my mind. I can no longer hear the sounds of Voyager over the blood rushing through my head. The Gul's face is only inches away from mine. His hot breath washes over my face. He's enjoying the pain he is causing me. My control slips. I scream. The Gul laughs.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Paramount and TPTB. The plot is the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Warning: Rated M Violence, angst, and adult situations included but nothing overly graphic.

**Under My Skin: Chapter 4**

Tom Paris

"When did this interaction take place?" Tuvok asks.

It had taken a relatively short amount of time to gather the senior staff in our quarters after our meeting with Chakotay. The only people missing were the command team. It's an unofficial official meeting.

"Not thirty minutes ago." Belanna explains. "He put Ayala on bridge duty and on his way out flashed Ayala an old Maquis hand signal. Then he came here. While he listened to Tom's report, he flashed hand signals to me behind his back."

"Do we assume the 'four captured' is referring to four other people?" Harry asks.

"Computer, what is the current crew complement?" Tuvok asks.

"140."

"How many people are on board Voyager at this time?"

"139."

"Computer, who is currently not on board Voyager?"

"All personnel are on Voyager at this time." Tuvok raises an eyebrow at the contradiction.

"Well that certainly answers a lot of questions." The doctor scoffs.

"Perhaps, the 'four captured' is referring to the Captain." Seven comments.

How did she make that leap? We all look at her for an explanation. She complies, "I completed a mission that made me interested in time paradoxes. The Enterprise experienced a time loop where they sent a message of 'three' to themselves. The 'three' referred to the rank insignia on Commander Riker's collar."

"Computer, is Captain Janeway currently on board Voyager?" Tuvok asks again.

"Affirmative."

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway." He taps his comm. Badge.

"Captain Janeway is off duty and requests that all non-essential calls be directed to Commander Chakotay."

"We already tried that." The doctor tells him.

Tuvok raises an eyebrow. "Computer, are there any life signs in Captain Janeway's quarters?"

"Negative."

"Computer, what is the current location of Captain Janeway?"

"Captain Janeway is in her quarters." We all look at each other.

"Obviously, someone or something has tampered with the computer." Belanna growls. "I've already run a diagnostic and I haven't found anything, yet."

"Computer, is Captain Janeway conscious." The doctor jumps in to the questioning.

"Captain Janeway is asleep."

"Myself and the doctor will go to the Captain's quarters and determine her physical presence." Tuvok states with a nod to the doctor.

"Wait a minute. I don't think that's such a good idea." Belanna stops them from leaving with her comment. "If these, whoever they are, have manipulated the computer and have surveillance on Chakotay it stands to reason they are watching the Captain's quarters as well. If you just go barging in there, and she isn't there you may set off some sort of alarm."

"Do you have another suggestion?" Seven asks.

"The Jeffries tubes have an offshoot access into the Captain's bedroom. An escape door for Captains. We could go have a look, and even enter her quarters without triggering the door."

"Very well, Lt. please take the doctor with you and determine if the Captain is indeed in her quarters or needs assistance."

Belanna nods and heads out the door with the Doctor in tow.

Ayala

Belanna contacts me. She lets me know the poker game will be an all nighter. She asks me to keep an eye on the big guy. Belanna and I have served with him longer than anyone else on this ship. I still don't know the entire story about what's going on, but even if she hadn't called me I would know something was wrong. Everything is just a little off with him today.

I watch him from the security station as he sits in his chair on the command deck. He continuously shifts his body weight as if he can't get comfortable. Usually he takes this time to catch up on reports but he hasn't even picked up a padd today. He just stares into the viewscreen as though willing it to show him something. His hands clench the arm rest until his knuckles are almost white and then he catches himself and releases. Each time he lets go, he looks over at the Captain's empty chair. He moves as though he is going to leave his seat to pace the bridge perhaps, but then he winces and sits back in his chair. The cycle begins again.

Tom Paris

Belanna and the doctor come back to our quarters to report, not trusting the comm. System. "She's definitely not in her quarters. There's no sign of a struggle and nothing looks out of place."

Our situation is not helped with this news. Seven has returned to astrometrics to try some different scanning, but we don't have anything new to go on. Harry has gone down to engineering and Belanna leaves soon to join him. We may not be able to sound a red alert, but soon the entire ship will be quietly working on getting the Captain back from wherever she has been taken. The doctor wants to run scans on Chakotay so we come up with a plan to get him to sick bay. Tuvok agrees and leaves for the bridge. The Doc leaves for sick bay and I head to Sam's quarters. We're going to need our youngest crewman for this job.

Chakotay

I haven't heard from Belanna and I'm starting to wonder if she understood my message. I resist the urge to call her. I can't help but glance again at Kathryn's chair. Spirits, hold on Kathryn.

"Doctor to Commander Chakotay." The call breaks the silence on the bridge.

"Go ahead doctor." I answer him. It's too much to think that Kathryn has mysteriously appeared in sick bay, but I do hope this is part of the crew's efforts to fix the problem.

"Our youngest crewman seems to have picked up a painful viral infection. Her mother is on duty and the captain is asleep. I was wondering if you could come down and comfort her while I work on a cure."

I smile slightly. Naomi would have to be missing a leg to need comforting. She's modeled herself after the captain too much in that respect. "Of course doctor, I'll be right down."

Now I understand why Tuvok has been taking the past hour to go over a five minute report with Ayala. "Mr. Tuvok, you have the bridge."

"Aye, sir." The Vulcan's face reveals nothing but he was with the Maquis long enough to have learned our hand signals. I flash him the 'four captured' sign and he simply nods. Relief washes over me as now I know for sure they are all working on a solution.

I reach sickbay and find Naomi lying on a biobed crying softly with the doctor hovering over her. I stand by her side and grasp her hand. The doctor nods to me, "Please just try and keep her calm. I'll be able to give her something to sleep in just a few minutes."

I talk to Naomi and ask her to stay strong for just a little while longer. I ask her to be brave like the captain. I tell her the doctor is working on a solution as we speak. I hope Kathryn can hear me and realize the words are for her.

The doctor dematerialized once he was out of sight and then rematerialized out of my line of sight. Being photonic, there was no sound of footfall but I can tell he's behind me. Naomi's eyes stray to his location once and I squeeze her hand gently. She squeezes her eyes shut as though in pain and then reopens them to look at me. "Naomi, honey, I know you want to be the best Captain's assistant you can be."

She nods. I continue, "Why don't you tell me what you like best about the captain?"

She lets a few more tears fall and then begins to speak about how the captain told her the rules of being a Starfleet captain once. She hiccups and then continues, "It was that time we lost Seven. The captain, she told me, we never ever leave a member of the crew behind. That we will always go after them no matter what, and we will bring them home."

I could've kissed her. I missed the doctor's exit but he strides out of his office with a hypospray in hand. "I don't have a cure yet, but this will help her sleep for awhile."

Naomi let her eyes close after he administered it to her. They fluttered open as I begin to pull my hand away from hers, "Commander, if the captain isn't too busy when she wakes up, could you ask her to come and see me."  
"Of course." She closes her eyes and let's go of my hand. The doctor looks up from the biobed and assures me that she'll be fine given time. I nod and exit sickbay. I have less than an hour.

Kathryn

I know he'll be here soon. They just finished healing me. Well, the really obvious wounds anyway. I can't remember having ever been this tired before. My soul aches from the punishment my body has received today. I finally have my uniform back on, but I can still smell myself. I reek of sweat and blood. The smell of the Gul rolls off of me in waves that make me nauseous. I can smell my fear too. I lean my head back against the wall. It feels cool to the touch. I close my eyes for a moment.

There's a hand on my shoulder. My eyes snap open and I scramble towards the wall I was leaning against. Then I see his warm brown eyes. "Chakotay."

"I'm here Kathryn." He looks down at my hands and clasps them in his own. His eyes are full of concern. "How are you?"

I know what he's asking. I can't even begin to get into that now. I dodge the question. "I'm healed to a qualified medical standard."

He hears how hoarse my voice is. He knows I've screamed since he saw me last. He simply nods acknowledgement at my statement. He helps me to my feet. I lean against him for a moment as my legs are unsteady. He gives me a small smile, "Get something to eat and try and get some sleep."

"I need to check on Naomi first. Make sure she's alright." I acknowledge the gift he gave me when he spoke to the child. He squeezes my hand. The Gul joins us and I release Chakotay.

"Chakotay, we are so pleased you could join us again. The Captain and I have had a wonderful time today getting to know one another." The Gul places his hand on my shoulder. I can feel the anger radiating off Chakotay. "You surprise me Chakotay. I was under the impression she was your woman, but let's be honest. It's been awhile for her."

Chakotay roars and lunges. He manages to get a hand on the Gul's throat before collapsing to the floor in a ball of controlled pain. Two guards have hold of me and the Gul turns in my direction with the control in his hand. He rolls his massive neck from side to side. Chakotay yells out in pain from the floor. "He really is quite pathetic, you know. I can see why you didn't choose him."

I spit in his face. He sneers at me. The guards release me as the transporter whine envelops me. I see the walls of my quarters. I manage a step towards the couch before the pain strikes. It is all consuming. It is easily the worst it has been yet. I collapse to the floor hitting the couch on the way down. My bones feel as though they are crumbling to pieces. My skin feels like it's on fire. I taste blood in my mouth. The pain goes on and on unrelenting. My throat is constricted. I can't yell out. I can't breathe.

The switch is flicked. The pain stops. I suck in air like a newborn child. My vision tunnels into darkness. I pass out.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Paramount and TPTB. The plot is the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Warning: Rated M Violence, angst, and adult situations included but nothing overly graphic.

**Under My Skin: Chapter 5**

Tom Paris

I'm playing kadis-kot with Naomi in sick bay when the computer alerts the doctor. "Captain Janeway is currently on duty."

I look up and the doctor jerks his head towards his office. I join him. "Computer, how many personnel are currently on board Voyager?"

"139."

I throw up my hands. "Computer, who is currently not on board Voyager?"

"All Voyager personnel are currently on board."

"Computer, is Captain Janeway currently aboard Voyager?"

"Affirmative."

"Computer, is Commander Chakotay currently aboard Voyager?"

"Affirmative."

"Is the Captain in her quarters?"

"Affirmative."

"Is the Commander in his quarters?"

"Affirmative."

The doctor nods his head along with the answers then taps his comm. Badge, "Doctor to Captain Janeway."

No answer. We lock eyes.

"Paris to Commander Chakotay."

"Commander Chakotay is currently off duty and requests that all non-essential calls be directed to Captain Janeway."

"We've heard that answer before." I comment to the doctor. I have an idea. "Computer is there any life signs in the Commander's quarters?"

"Negative."

"Computer is there any life signs in the captain's quarters?"

"Affirmative." I raise an eyebrow at the doctor.

"Well, at least that's a new answer." I say before hitting my comm. Badge, "Paris to Captain Janeway."

No answer.

"Computer, is the Captain sleeping?"

"Negative."

"Is the Captain conscious?"

"Negative."

"Get down to her quarters now Mr. Paris." The doctor orders. I grab a med kit and haul ass. I make it to her door in record time and just to follow protocol I ring for entrance. I receive no answer and begin to enter my medical override when I hear her call for entrance. The doors slide open and she is sitting on the couch. Her elbows are on her knees and her hands cradle her face. She looks up. She looks like death warmed over. I stand in the open door staring.  
"Mr. Paris," Her voice is not the usual whiskey tones that I am used to, but more like gravel on glass. She clears her throat and asks, "Did you need something?"

I mentally shake myself and enter her quarters. "Uhm, the doctor sent me down here. He's, uh, been checking on your replicator use. And, uhm, he noticed you haven't been getting the proper nutrition with your coffee intake lately. I, uhm, oh, I have a hypospray of vitamins for you."

I stop talking after what seems an awfully long time. We stare at each other for a moment both unable to conceal our surprise at this story. She recovers first and leans back on the couch her eyes breaking contact with me. She tries to cover up a grimace but I see it.

"Very well Mr. Paris," she says tiredly. "But, vitamins only."

I nod and set the medkit on the coffee table. As I open it, I make a production of looking for a hypospray. I look her over as discreetly as possible. I can see fresh nail marks on the palms of her hand. I clear my throat and wave the hypospray at her. "All the vitamins you need to keep the doctor away."

She reaches up to pull her collar down. Her hand shakes. We both pretend not to notice. I administer the same dose of vitamins to her that we gave Naomi earlier in the guise of a sedative. I don't know entirely what's going on, but I'm sure the vitamins are needed despite the idiotic story I came up with. As I pull the hypospray away from her neck I can see a slight circular discoloration. I put on my poker face and pull back from her, "There you go. All set. Just cut back on that coffee."

"Thank you, Tom." She clears her throat again and rubs the back of her neck. "Let the doctor know I will be down to check on Naomi soon."

"Aye, Captain."

I leave her quarters struggling against the desire to just pick her up and carry her to sick bay. Damn the consequences.

Tuvok

She pages me and I can feel the entire bridge crew strain to listen, "Go ahead Captain."

Her voice sounds rough and tired. "I'll be late coming to the bridge today. I've got some personal issues to deal with and then I'm going to visit Naomi in sick bay."

She already knows about Miss Wildman. She has either been in contact with the commander or she has been able to see and hear Voyager during her absence. "I will continue to 'watch over' your ship, Captain until such time that you are able to report."

The sentiment of watching over an inanimate object is uncomfortable with me, but I believe she will appreciate the overture.

"Thank you Mr. Tuvok."

Doctor

Mr. Paris has just finished briefing me on what transpired in the Captain's quarters when I hear someone enter. I look up and see a ghost of the Captain walking towards my office. Mr. Paris makes a quiet exit and wakes Naomi as he leaves to inform Tuvok and the others of the latest developments. I'm horrified at her appearance, but with Mr. Paris warning I attempt to put on my best poker face.

"Captain, good morning." She looks up at me from under hooded lids. The dark circles under her eyes clearly visible.

"Doctor." She clears her throat before continuing. "Commander Chakotay informs me that our youngest crewman is going through a rough time. I assume you've been working on a solution to our latest problem."

"Yes, of course. In fact, if you wouldn't mind keeping her occupied for a few minutes I could check on the test results from the scan I performed earlier; the one from when the commander visited with her."

"Of course, doctor."

I walk behind her as she leaves the office and walks over to Naomi. I've already started scanning her as we walk, and I notice how stiffly she holds herself. She reaches the bed and leans against it for support as she takes Naomi's hand. I signal to Naomi to draw out her performance for as long as possible.

I see the results flash by on the tricorder. If my heart wasn't photonic, I think it would've stopped beating. I finish the scan and close the tricorder. My assessment will have to wait until I finish this performance. I backtrack to my office. I call out to the Captain from there and she turns to watch as I come closer to the bed. "I believe I've made a breakthrough Captain."

The Captain cocks her head to one side. I continue. "I believe I'll have a solution after I run a few more tests for comparison."

"If there is any risk of danger to her or any member of this crew, I won't allow it." The captain fixes me with a glare.

I raise my chin, "I will of course go over all the possibilities with the parents before treatment."

"See Naomi, I told you everything would be alright. The doctor and your parents will ensure nothing happens to you. If his cure is at all dangerous, I'll try it myself first, okay." The captain pats the back of Naomi's hand. "The doctor knows that I would put your health or the health of any member of this crew ahead of my own. Don't you Doctor?"

The captain locks eyes with me. She's been tortured and held captive. She hasn't slept in days. She's injured and exhausted, but the power she projects with her eyes to me in that moment would make any Klingon warrior run screaming from the room. I can only nod. "Aye, Captain."

Kathryn

They are literally the finest crew I've ever worked with. So why do I feel like panicking? I pace the small confines of the turbolift intending to go to my cabin. I've just left sickbay and a conversation with the doctor that has left me feeling flushed. What do they know? What are they intending to do? Do they know Chakotay's life is at stake if they interfere? Will they sacrifice him to save me? How can I ever lead them again if they let him die in my place? If they do anything that puts his life in jeopardy, it's my fault because I tipped them off in the first place.

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway, please report to the bridge."

My heart skips a beat. Surely, they aren't going to try something now. I take a deep breath and wince at the twinge of pain it causes. I order the turbolift to the bridge. As I step out onto the bridge, I glance around. Harry is at his station and Tuvok is standing next to my chair. Tom is no where to be seen. I cross to Tuvok. "Report."

"I apologize for calling you to the bridge Captain. It seems that Mr. Kim is needed in Astrometrics, and I have a counseling appointment with Lt. Torres."

Yesterday I was confusing my crew and today they are confusing me. At least my facial reactions can't be seen by the Gul. "Lt. Torres?"

"Yes, Captain. Anger management." He pauses. "Shall I reschedule?"

"No." I say quickly. At least this is more plausible than Tom's vitamin story. "No, that won't be necessary Mr. Tuvok. I can handle the bridge on my own. Take all the time you need."

He gives me a brief nod and crosses behind me. Harry waits for him at the turbolift. I slowly sink into my chair. Godspeed gentlemen, but please don't do anything I'll regret.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Paramount and TPTB. The plot is the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Warning: Rated M Violence, angst, and adult situations included but nothing overly graphic.

**Under My Skin: Chapter 6**

Tom Paris

"Tuvok to the Doctor, report to astrometrics."

"Kim to Paris, report to astrometrics."

"Paris to Torres, report to astrometrics."

"Doctor to Neelix, report to astrometrics."

We've reconvened to share information that we've managed to gather. Anyone that has seen the captain knows how dire the situation has become. We can only imagine where Chakotay is at the moment, but even I'm floored when the doctor reports the results from his medical scans.

"It's the Cardassians."

Usually the Doc is one for grandstanding and showing off how much trouble he went to in order to produce his latest miracle. His simple statement attests to the urgency of our current predicament.

"What?!" Belanna asks incredulous.

"The scans I made of the Captain and the Commander both showed that a subdermal device has been implanted in their necks. The device is the same as ones used by Cardassians to inflict pain on their captives. Several of the devices have been retrieved over the years and Starfleet has done extensive research on them. Granted the one currently being used has some improvements and modifications, but it's essentially the same device. Mr. Paris' father could attest to its being Cardassian."

I swallow. The Captain was with my father when that all went down. He refused to talk about it at home, but he was never the same after that mission. Seven turns back to her console without commenting. Belanna looks like she's gone a shade of grey. I clear my throat. "What else, Doc? I mean, I got a good look at the Captain this morning and that little device can't be the only thing wrong with her. And what about Chakotay?"

"The Commander showed recently healed breaks in his left arm, right leg, and nose. He had internal bruising and evidence of a healed internal injury that had caused some bleeding. The Captain," he clears his throat stalling for a moment, "had definite signs of a recent physical assault. She didn't have any broken bone injuries, but the internal injuries were of a more severe and personal nature than the Commander's."

He looks down not saying anything more. He doesn't need to. Tuvok's calm voice breaks the silence. "Is there anything else doctor?"

"Neither of them has slept in the past forty eight hours. The device seems to have been working in their system for at least the past thirty eight. I couldn't tell much about their muscular and nervous systems with the limited scans I was able to perform, but their readings were elevated across the board indicating their bodies are experiencing severe distress."

"Can the device be removed?" Harry asks.

"There are two possibilities for its removal. The first would be a very controlled surgery. It's a lengthy procedure because of the insinuation of the device within their nervous system."

"And the other." I ask not liking the sound of that option.

"While it is active, the signal is stronger and it's possible to use the medical transporter."

"While it's active!" Belanna interrupts him. "I've seen these devices in action doctor. Active; means intense excruciating pain."

"I'm well aware of that."

"If the device is removed while active, wouldn't that be a shock to their system?" I ask him.

"Both solutions have risks involved. I don't want to see any more pain caused to either of them, but a lengthy procedure may not be wise either. Both of their bodies have been under immense strain lately." He pauses. "If the opportunity arises, a quick removal of the device by transporter is a viable option."

"Lt. Torres, your assistance." Seven calls from the console at which she is working. Belanna jumps up and crosses to her. Any other time, any other mission, and Belanna might have taken Seven's head off, but not this day. We all stare as the two women began working almost as one on the console. Harry joins in as he figures out what they are trying to achieve. Finally, with one last adjustment the image of Voyager on the large viewscreen clears and another vessel's signal shows up next to it. I let out a low whistle. It's a Cardassian design alright. Tuvok raises a questioning eyebrow at Seven and she answers the question we are all thinking.

"One year prior to my leaving the Collective, the Borg assimilated knowledge from a Cardassian ship. It was an experimental ship working on a cloaking mechanism. The Borg have no use for cloaking." Seven continues. "Once the doctor reported that we were looking for Cardassians, I now had another way to scan for their ship. I began looking for an improvement on the design from four years ago."

"Well, we know who and where the problem is," Belanna starts. "Now we just have to figure out what to do about it."

"The answer to that is simple, Lt." Tuvok states calmly. "We defeat them."

Harry Kim

We have four hours. Four hours before they try to take the Captain again. After seeing her on the bridge this morning, I know if she gets taken again she won't be back.

Tuvok outlined the priorities before we left astrometrics. We find a way to block transport off this ship. The doctor also relayed what the Captain said during her visit to sick bay. She's not going to be too happy with us that we are putting her safety before Chakotay's, but as Belanna said, that's the way Chakotay would want it. I know, though, if we lose Chakotay during this, we'll lose the captain as well.

Tom and I return to the bridge. Tuvok is meeting with his security team in his office. Belanna and Seven are continuing to work on a way to penetrate the shields of that ship. We've got to block that transport and find Chakotay. I stay at my station and look for a way to locate the Commander. Tom's sitting at the helm, but I know all of his senses are directed at the woman sitting behind him. He has instructions from the doctor to not let her out of his sight. I hope for his sake she doesn't try to go to her ready room.

I hope she knows we are working on a solution. I hope she continues to hold on for just a little while longer. I hope the Commander is still alive. Four hours.

Kathryn

Two hours left. Can I keep awake sitting here in this chair for another two hours? Can I allow myself to be returned to hell? What about you Chakotay, are you still alive? Have you been able to hear me? Have you been able to see how our crew is acting?

I roll my shoulders. I rub the back of my neck. I shift in my seat. Nothing helps for long. I can't seem to push the pain to the back of my mind anymore. It is ever present now. It's a low continuous thrum, and it's been there since the initial attack this morning from that damned device. The problem is I can't tell if the device is active or if my body is simply reacting to what it's been through.

Tom keeps turning around to check on me. He pretends to be talking with Sam or Ayala, but his blue eyes flicker in my direction. The crew is definitely up to something, and it goes beyond the senior staff. Even Sam and Ayala are acting differently now. They banter back and forth with Tom so he has a reason to turn in his seat, but the bantering is stilted. Forced.

Everyone is tense. I can feel it across the bridge. It's the same energy that's usually present during a red alert. I hope they don't try anything foolish. I roll my shoulders. I feel Tom's eyes on me again.

Belanna Torres

"We've got it, but it's going to be tight." I hand him a padd. I know he would prefer to be briefed by Seven's calm analytical tones, but I rush on not caring. "When they try to beam the captain off the ship, we can block the transport. We can also load a feedback onto the signal so that when it bounces back to their ship, it'll give us their exact location and cloaking modulation. Their shields will be down for the transport, and we'll be able to pinpoint Chakotay's location and beam him out of there."

"We have, however, been unsuccessful in finding a way to block the signal being transmitted to the device implanted in the Captain." Seven states in her infuriatingly condescending manner.

Tuvok considers both reports before nodding. "Lt. Torres, you will monitor the captain and block her transport. Seven, you and Mr. Kim will work together on bringing the commander back. There will also be a security team standing by. If you cannot beam the commander back, I expect you to beam the security team to his location."

Seven nods and turns on her heel to join Harry on the bridge. I head for engineering. The captain is not leaving this ship again. Not if I have anything to say about it.

Tuvok

It is close to time. The energy building on the bridge is almost palpable. I do not let it affect me, but I have spent enough time around humans to know that they will all be reacting to it. Their adrenalin will see them through this situation. My logic will dictate my actions, but I must admit that sometimes when it comes to her, my logic fails me.

I watch her. She pushes herself to her feet. She steadies herself with an indrawn breath before turning to me. "Tuvok, you have the bridge."

I nod and make my way to her side. She swallows and places her hand on my chest. "Maintain a course for home."

She knows she is leaving. She thinks she is going to her death. She believes this is the last time she will speak to me. She squares her shoulders and sets her chin. Her hand drops and she moves past me towards her ready room.

"Aye, Captain." I follow her progress across the bridge. She pauses before entering her ready room, but she does not look back. The doors close behind her. I nod to Mr. Paris as I take the command chair. I send a message to all those involved. It's time.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Paramount and TPTB. The plot is the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Warning: Rated M Violence, angst, and adult situations included but nothing overly graphic.

**Under My Skin: Chapter 7**

Kathryn

Ten minutes, give or take a few. Well, let's get on with it. I push myself to my feet and feel myself sway for a moment. I mentally shake it off. I'm not one to give up, but I have no rational belief that I will see my ship again. Voyager will make it back to Earth, but I won't be with them. I look to my oldest friend. "Tuvok, you have the bridge."

He may not show any emotion, but there is a carefully controlled expression radiating from Tuvok as he stands in front of me. I know he is uncomfortable with touch, but now isn't the time for half measures. I need the contact. I place my hand on his chest and tell him the only way I know how to that I won't be coming back. "Maintain a course for home."

Time to get on with it. I drop my hand and cross towards my ready room. Time to meet this bitch called fate head on. My determination falters just for a moment before I enter my office. I want to turn and tell Tom how proud I am of him. I want to hug Harry and commend him on the man he's become. There's so many things left unsaid and not just to the people in this room. It's too late for that now.

Once inside my ready room, I wait for the inevitable. I hear the chime on my door sound at the same time I hear the now familiar whine of the Cardassian transport. I watch as Tom enters, but my movements are already frozen by the imminent transport. My ready room fades from view, and then solidifies again. I'm still on Voyager. I look at Tom.

"It's over Captain." He watches my reaction closely and continues. "We aren't letting them take you again."

"No!" I exhale. "You have to let me go, Tom. You have to stop whatever it is you're doing. They've got Chakotay." Don't they realize what will happen if I don't go back. Oh God, I have to go back. I have to. Tom's shaking his head at me.

"Tom." I cry out and close the distance between us. This isn't how it is supposed to happen. I intend to grab him and shake some sense into him. I don't make it. I realize now that thrum of pain I felt all day was nothing compared to what the device inside me can do. The white hot pain strikes me all over and my muscles seize. I fall into Tom's chest and he tries to hold me upright, but I slip to the floor in convulsions dragging him with me. I can hear him calling to me, but I can't understand the words. His face is above me, and the ceiling lights shine bright behind his head. I taste blood in my mouth for the second time today. My vision blurs. Forgive me, Chakotay. I'm not strong enough. I let go.

Tom Paris

I follow Tuvok's nod and rise from my seat. We've been waiting for this all day and now it will all be over in a few short minutes. They might be the longest minutes of my life. I pause outside her door and ring for entry. I don't wait for a response and I punch in the security code Tuvok gave me earlier. I enter her ready room to see her frozen in place. The transport has begun. C'mon Belanna work your magic. I see relief quickly pass across her face as she rematerializes on Voyager. The relief is quickly followed by confusion. She locks eyes with me. I tell her, "It's over Captain. We aren't letting them take you again."

Horror crashes down on her face as she thinks of him. She pleads with me to send her back. To allow her to be taken. I want to tell her that we are taking care of Chakotay as well, but I can't give anything away. Someone may be watching right now and I don't want them to know we are locking onto Chakotay as we speak. I shake my head at her to let her know we will not stop. The heartache I hear in her voice as she says my name and closes the distance between us makes my resolve weaken. In the moment I take to refocus, I miss the change in her. She does not grasp me like I expected, but rather falls into me. It's then I realize she's in trouble. The device. I try to keep a hold of her, but she is going into convulsions and I can't maintain my grip. We both fall to the floor. "Captain! Hold on! Paris to Doctor! Emergency transport!"

We appear in sick bay. Her body is still seizing and the doctor works frantically. I throw all my body weight onto her to try and minimize her movements. I feel a bone in her arm snap from the tension the muscles are causing. "Doc hurry up! We're losing her! Kathryn! Listen to my voice! Hold on!"

I hear the hum of the transporter close to me. Her body shudders and then goes limp beneath me. I lean up and look at the doctor. He nods, "We got it."

The transporter hums again and Chakotay's unconscious form materializes on the floor not five feet from me. I look down to see her reaction. Her eyes are closed and her face is relaxed. That's when I realize how still she is beneath me. Too still. "Doc, she's not breathing."

"Get her on the biobed." I easily lift her up and place her on the biobed. Doc works the transport again and Chakotay reappears on the bed next to hers. He works in the aisle between the two beds assessing both of their conditions. The ship rocks and I am almost thrown off my feet. The red alert klaxon sounds throughout the ship. Damn.

Chakotay

"Maintain a course for home."

I can hear the resignation and desperation in her voice. C'mon Tuvok, put it together. Don't let this happen. Use that damnable logic of yours and realize if you can't rescue both of us then at least save her. Get the ship out of here. Lock her in the brig and put up the shields. Put her into stasis and mask her life sign. Do something. When the Gul gets his hands on her this time, he's not going to let her go.

"Looks like your woman is eager to return." The Gul sneers over at me. I hold his look and give him a sneer of my own. It's the longest he's looked away from the viewscreen in the past hour. He's been captivated by her. I can relate.

I know it's close to time, and I know that today is different. They haven't bothered healing any of my wounds this time. The game is over. He'll return me to the ship, and hold that over Kathryn to garner her acceptance. He thinks he's going to keep her. Like hell.

The sound of the chime for the ready room brings my attention back to the screen. The Gul has already signaled to begin the transport of Kathryn. I watch as Paris enters the ready room. His image fades momentarily and then clears. He speaks.

"It's over Captain." I smile as the Gul spins quickly to look at his transport officer for an explanation. Paris' voice rings out, "We aren't letting them take you again."

I laugh out loud as the Gul lets out a rage of frustration. She's safe. I'm still laughing when he plants a boot into my chest. The blow is so forceful; I'm thrown against the wall behind me. I slump to the floor gasping for breath.

The Gul takes the control for her device from his belt. He thumbs it to the highest setting. "If she is not returned to me, she will die."

I can hear Paris yelling her name and calling for a transport. The Gul's booted foot is moving swiftly towards my face. I whisper her name as I feel my head snap back from the force of the blow. Kathryn. I let go.

Harry Kim

"Found him! Locking on signal and beaming him directly to sick bay." I almost forget that finding the Commander is not the end of our current situation. I am immediately reminded as the ship rocks. The Cardassians have decloaked and started firing on us.

"Red Alert. Raise shields." Tuvok calmly commands from below my station. "Helm, set a course away from here. Warp eight."

"Warp engines are off line, sir." The helm reports. "Impulse engines only."

"Evasive maneuvers." Tuvok continues taking a seat. "Mr. Ayala, target their weapon systems and fire phasers."

"Aye sir." Ayala answers from his position at tactical. The phasers fire.

"Their shields are holding." I report. "Engineering reports another two minutes for the warp drive."

"Continue firing, Mr. Ayala. Disable them."

The ship rocks again but our shields continue to hold. This battle is like a nightmare from the Alpha Quadrant. Fighting against the Cardassians could've happened on any given day back home. The real difference is that if we weren't in the Delta Quadrant we could call for backup. The phasers fire again and this time the shields on the Cardassian ship fail. "Disable their engines and weapons, Mr. Ayala."

Voyager receives one more bump from their weapons before a massive explosion rocks the opposing ship. The Cardassian ship vents debris and begins to list. Tuvok rises from the command chair. "Report."

I glance in Ayala's direction, and then read reports from the sensors. "Our last phaser strike must've hit their weapons hold. A secondary explosion destroyed seventy percent of their ship. I'm not detecting any life signs."

Tuvok glances at tactical and raises an eyebrow in Ayala's direction. I hold my breath. Was it an accident that we managed to cause a massive explosion on their ship? Will Tuvok reprimand Ayala for accomplishing the one thing we all secretly hoped for? Belanna's voice breaks the silence that has descended on the bridge. "Engineering to Bridge. Warp engines are back on line."

"Stand down red alert." Tuvok turns back to the helm. "Helm, resume course for home. Warp eight. Mr. Kim, status reports."

"Reports coming in now, sir." I smile. That Vulcan loves the captain as much as the rest of us.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Paramount and TPTB. The plot is the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Warning: Rated M Violence, angst, and adult situations included but nothing overly graphic.

**Under My Skin: Chapter 8**

Chakotay

I'm not dead. That's the first thought that swims to the front of my consciousness. I hurt way too much to be dead. I hear a voice say my name. I manage to open my eyes and squint immediately against the lights of sick bay. Someone leans over me. I want to see a crown of red hair and a blur of red and black, but instead my eyes focus on Belanna's concerned features. I push myself to my elbows and immediately regret it as the room spins.

"Hey, take it easy." Belanna admonishes me as I clamp down on my rising bile. Something must've happened or it wouldn't be Belanna standing over me. I manage to open my eyes again and lock gazes with Belanna. I see my concern mirrored in her eyes. She anticipates my question and nods her head at the bed next to mine. "She's right there."

I look over to my right and see her small form. Kathryn. She is dressed in blue medical garb same as me. I release a breath I didn't know I was holding as I see her chest rise and fall in an easy rhythm. Her color looks better than the last time I saw her, but I know she isn't simply sleeping.

I sit all the way up despite Belanna's hand on my chest and attempt to swing my legs off the bed. The doctor stops me, "Commander, you must remain still. You've gone through quite a lengthy procedure and you simply cannot be up walking around yet."

I begin to protest. I have to know, but I'm afraid to ask. "Doc…"

"Lay down Commander." He admonishes me and pushes me back. "The captain will not be happy if she wakes up to find that we got you back only to lose you because you couldn't sit still."

That gets my attention. "Then she's…"

"She's going to be fine." He assures me and begins running scans over me. "The removal of the device was more traumatic for her than you. Her body needs time to recover. I'm keeping her sedated for the time being. It's the only way to keep her still. Your body needs rest as well."

I lay back down and realize how true his words are as my body berates me for all the sudden activity. I look at Belanna, "What happened to the Cardassians?"

"They shot at us. We shot back." She shrugs. "We got lucky and one of our shots hit their weapons hold. There weren't any survivors."

I considered her answer for a moment. "Who was manning tactical?"

She fails to suppress a small grin, "Ayala."

I should've known. Exploding a weapons hold as a means of disabling a ship is a Maquis tactic. "Maybe I can get him a commendation."

"He's going to need a new commander if this one doesn't get some rest." The doctor scolds me and pointedly looks at Belanna. She raises her hands in surrender and promises to return later to check on me. I'm more than happy to take the doctor's advice for a change. I turn on my side so that last thing I see before I drift off is Kathryn.

Kathryn

I open my eyes slowly. I'm in sick bay. My entire body aches, but I have no idea how or why I'm here. This happens way too often for my liking. I raise a shaky hand to my head and then hear a soft voice, "How are you, Captain?"

I turn my head slowly and see Tom scanning me with a tricorder. His concerned blue gaze never leaves my face. Tom. He followed me into the ready room. The ready room. The Cardassians. Oh. God. Chakotay. I start to rise up. Tom's hands are on my shoulders. "Captain you have to stay still."

A strangled noise escapes my throat. I have to get out of here.

"Kathryn."

I freeze when I hear him say my name. I look away from Tom and then I see him. He smiles down at me and takes my hand in his. "Hi."

Tom retreats and I slump back against the bed all the fight gone from my body. I exhale, "Hi."

His thumb rubs against the palm of my hand. I revel in his touch for another moment before closing my eyes against the pain that sweeps over me. It's nauseating but nothing compared to the past couple of days. I swallow, "What happened?"

"What do you remember?" he asks cautiously.

"Everything." I tell him quietly. "Last thing was Tom and I in the ready room."

"Our family saved us and brought us home. Between your behavior and my hand signals they were able to figure out what was going on. When they blocked your transport the Gul lost it." I shudder when he mentions the Gul, but I nod for him to continue. "He set the device to kill you. Paris got you to sick bay and the doctor was able to use the medical transporter to remove the device. Your body completely shut down from the shock, and they lost you for a few minutes."

He doesn't continue. I squeeze his hand. "I'm still here Chakotay."

He nods. I give him a minute. "What about you?"

He shrugs. "I've been a guest of Cardassians before. The accommodations they provide are all the same."

He smiles slightly at his joke. He must be physically alright, he's already out of sick bay.

"Captain," the doctor approaches the bed with Paris trailing behind him. "How do you feel?"

"My body feels like Voyager landed on me, doctor."

"No, just Mr. Paris." I raise an eyebrow in his direction and see an embarrassed look on Tom's face. I'll have to find out about that later. The doctor continues, "You need to rest Captain. I've kept you sedated to allow for healing, but your body still needs more time. I want to keep you here for another twenty-four hours of direct observation before releasing you to your quarters. And then you will take the next week off. At least."

I'm too tired to spar with the doctor right now. I'm sure he'll take that as an agreement. I'll let him believe what he wants for now. I've already closed my eyes when I feel a soft feathery kiss on my forehead as Chakotay releases my hand. We definitely have to talk later, but for now sleep takes over me.

Belanna Torres

It's late and it's been a long several days. Tom and I decided to run Sandrine's and spend some time together unwinding. With the commander and captain out of commission, Tom's been doing double shifts on the bridge while I've been putting Voyager back together again. Tonight is the most time we've spent together since this latest Delta quadrant incident began.

Tom was able to have the evening off because Chakotay came back on duty today, and I left Vorik completing the last of the repairs on the thruster assembly. Chakotay may be back at work but I'm still concerned about him. Hell, we're all still concerned about both of them. Tom told me they had a very tender moment together in sick bay, but no one's seen them together much since then. No one's seen the Captain much at all since then. Chakotay says she's recuperating in her quarters. I know she's under doctor's order to rest, but she's never listened to the doctor before. And that also doesn't explain why I've seen her on the upper decks of engineering at all hours of the night when she thinks no one's watching. I sigh.

"I know what you're thinking about," Tom gives me a small smile. "He'll be alright."

"I know. I just worry about him." He starts to say something and I cut him off, "The same way you worry about her."

He concedes the point to me with a shrug. "You about ready to call it a night?"

"Sure." I stand and grab my jacket. Tom slings his arm around me and we move towards the exit. It opens before we reach it and allows a newcomer. Speak of the devil.

Tom takes his arm from around me and greets her, "Evening Captain."

Her head snaps up as she realizes she's not alone. Instinctively her back straightens, her shoulders pull back, and her chin comes up. I realize now it was Kathryn that walked in here, but it's the captain that faces us now. "Tom. Belanna. How are you tonight?"

"Just fine, Captain." Tom waves his hand around the settings. "We haven't run this in awhile and thought we'd come in and relax."

She looks around and says quietly, "It has been awhile hasn't it."

"We were about to call it a night," I offer, "Unless you'd like some company."

"Hmm? Oh no, Belanna. Thank you." She smiles at me and then gestures towards the pool table. "I think I'll just sink a few and then call it an evening."

"I could stick around and give you a good game, Captain." Tom offers.

"Since when?" She graces Tom with her half smile. "No, you two go on. I know you've both been working long hours."

"Good night then." I surprise myself and her both as I reach out and take her in a hug. "If you need anything, Kathryn, you know where to find me."

She returns the embrace for longer than I would've expected, but then she releases. Her eyes are bright but her voice is steady, "Thank you Belanna."

I nod at her and move towards the door. I see the momentary indecision on Tom's face before he quickly embraces her as well. She chuckles and swats at him as he releases her and moves away.

Once in the corridor, Tom pulls me to his side again. We walk for a few moments in companionable silence. Then it hits me. I hit my comm. Badge, "Torres to Chakotay."

"Go ahead."

"Commander your presence is needed in holodeck one."

"On my way."

Tom stares at me. Then his stare turns into a smile. "Sure wish I'd thought of that."

I shrug and we enter our quarters. Maybe now everyone will be able to get some sleep tonight.

Kathryn

I've already made my usual late night stroll of the ship. Twice in fact. If I show up a third time in engineering I'll make the crew nervous. I'm so tired, but not tired enough yet. I find myself at the holodeck and it's got one of the open door programs running. Might as well go in. It's so late; I'll probably find myself talking to holograms.

"Evening Captain." Tom's voice breaks into my thoughts. I really wasn't expecting anyone to be here. Hoping really. It looks like its just Tom and Belanna though, and I've managed to greet them on autopilot before my mind catches up with mouth. I hope I haven't interrupted anything. I know they've both been working extreme hours covering for myself and Chakotay. I also know how much work the two of them put into rescuing us.

I follow Tom's gesture as he waves an arm towards the empty bar, but my thoughts are elsewhere. When was the last time I relaxed here on the holodeck or anywhere really? It's been awhile. I know they're leaving. I know they'd stay if I asked them. I don't want to put them out. I gesture to the pool table, "I think I'll just sink a few and then call it an evening."

Tom offers to play a game against me and I manage a joke at his expense. They start to leave and Belanna surprises me with an embrace. She calls me by name and I'm so surprised by the gesture that the walls I've been hiding behind almost come down. I swallow hard and release her. I think she can see in my eyes how close to the edge I am, but she's enough like me to know I don't want to fall. At least not right now. She nods and moves away. Tom hesitates momentarily before wrapping me in a bear hug. I laugh at the brief intensity of the embrace. He's probably worried I'll demote him again. They leave and I smile at their departure.

I turn back to the pool table and rack the balls. I select a cue from the wall and place the ball so that I can break. But I don't. Tom and Belanna's presence was a welcome momentary distraction, but now that they're gone my fatigue returns. I lean on the stick and try desperately to not think about anything. I don't even hear him come in.

Chakotay

I was surprised when Belanna called me to the holodeck. I can't imagine what kind of technical problem would require my help. I enter and am surprised to find Sandrine's running. What's even more surprising is the single figure standing next to the pool table. She hasn't turned to acknowledge my presence. I circle past her and see Kathryn leaning on the pool cue, asleep on her feet. I smile sadly and shake my head. I've been hearing from all over the ship that she hasn't been sleeping. The entire crew has been keeping an eye on her while she makes her late night strolls. She'd hate it if she knew they were all watching out for her. She'd be furious if she knew they were letting word get back to me about it. Oh Kathryn, why won't you let anyone in?

I move back to the doorway and clear my throat. I see her jump slightly, "You know Kathryn, those balls aren't going to break on their own."

She looks at me confused as I move to her side. I gesture at the pool table and reach for her cue. "May I?"

She hands me the cue and tucks her hair behind her ear. "It's awfully late for a game, Chakotay."

I put the cue down on the table and smile up at her, "Well, in that case maybe I should walk you home before you fall asleep on your feet."

She starts to protest and I cock my head to one side grinning. She gives me the glare at about half power. She sighs and acknowledges lamely. "I haven't been sleeping well."

I lean back against the pool table next to where she's standing. "I know, Kathryn. We share a wall."

She looks up and panic strays across her face. "I'm sorry if I bothered you."

She turns to leave.

"What bothers me is listening to my best friend wake up screaming every night." She freezes halfway to the exit. "And yet, when I ask her how she is in the morning, she tells me she's fine."

She keeps her back to me. I walk towards her. "Kathryn, please talk to me."

She doesn't respond, but I can make out the slight shaking movement of her shoulders. She's crying. I reach out to her, and turn her around. She buries her face in my chest and I wrap my arms around her. I feel my own tears rolling down my face as her body heaves with sobs. Her head is tucked under my chin and I let my tears roll into her hair. We hold onto each other. She continues to hold me tightly as the sobs begin to dissipate. After several minutes, her breathing slowly returns to normal. I bring one hand up to push her hair back from her face. She hiccups. I look down at her and she actually laughs. "I guess I needed that."

"We both did." I answer her. She looks at my face and I know she can see the tear tracks. She nods and sniffs. She relaxes her grip on the back of my uniform. I let her step back from me. "Do you think you can sleep now?"

She surprises me when she takes my hand. She looks down as she asks quietly, "Will you stay with me?"

"Always."

"Do you mean that?"

I lift her chin with my finger until her eyes are looking into mine. "What are you asking Kathryn?"

"I'm tired, Chakotay." I sigh thinking she is going to evade me again, but she continues, "I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of a damn protocol that will be the least of my transgressions when we return to the alpha quadrant. I'm tired of every alien we run into saying the things to you that I should be saying. I'm tired of holding back from you. Chakotay, I love you."

I can barely breathe. I've wanted to hear her say this for so long, but not like this. Not when she's this vulnerable. "Kathryn, you've been through a lot these last few days. You're exhausted."

"Yes, I'm exhausted." She cuts my objections off. "But that doesn't mean that I'm delusional. These thoughts aren't new to me Chakotay. I've just been afraid to say them, and now I'm afraid to not say them."

A new emotion crosses her features. She steps away from me letting go of my hand. "I understand if you feel differently, but I still wanted to say what I've been thinking. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

I pull her back to me and hold her face in my hands, "I love you Kathryn. I always have and I always will."

Our first kiss is gentle and undemanding. It doesn't last long, but it holds all the promise an entire universe can offer. I smile down at her. Her eyes are still closed, but she is smiling. I repeat my question from earlier, "Do you think you can get some sleep now?"

She opens her eyes and reaches up to caress my tattoo, "Will you be there when I wake up?"

I put my arm around her shoulder and guide us towards the exit. "Kathryn, I'm never letting you go."

We walk towards her quarters. We are finally home.


End file.
